R and I and G and B and WHY?
by Gerard Cypriako
Summary: A reflection about obsessing over fictitious characters, Regular Show, rule 34 and more, starring the Rossum Ouniversal Cats. And the one and only Rigby
1. The Hooker

The Rossum Ouniversal Cats were watching TV. Some of their evenings consisted of them just laying down in a long, expensive black couch, watching late night programming for their entertainment. Because, like a very wise dingus the ROC admire once said: 'If you want knowledge, pick up a book. If you want entertainment, pick up an album". But instead of listening to an album, they watched TV together, regardless of what the program was about. Sometimes they would watch some CSI, Law & Order or shows inside the Crime Investigation genre, even if Littley was too young for most of their content; sometimes they would watch whatever was on on Adult Swinm; no medical dramas, 'cause they considered them boring. Taking in account that a cat's attention span isn't very long...they would also watch TV series that had one plot, or they would watch animated kids shows.

On this particular gathering, the show in question was Regular Show. It was the first time, since it premiered on the Cartoon Network in 2010, that they decided to watch an episode. (Most of them were born in 2013).

'Coming up, Regular Show' the announcer's voice proclaimed from the TV speakers.

'So this is the show everyone is talking about' Fritz mewed.

'Really?' Nassor meowed in a bored tone, although he was slightly interested.

'The show has been running since 2010 and it has generated [pause for breathing in] a lot of buzz, actually. It has been nominated four years straight for Best Short Episode in Animation, something like that, at the Primertime Emmys. It has only won once'

'Which are the ones that matter? Daytime or Primetime?' the Bombay inquired.

'I'm guessing Daytime' Fritz replied. 'So yeah, let's watch some fuckin' Regular Show, shall we?'

The rest of the Cats agreed.

...

REGULAR SHOW

The title card flashed. The cats could barely read, (Hermes once attempted to teach them how to read, to learn song lyrics in a more efficient way. The outcome was poorer than Sideshow Bob Roberts right now.) but they understood it was the opening for the program.

'Regular Show. Is that pretentious or really lazy?' Fritz wondered.

'Pretty much like the opening theme song' Nassor commented, closing his eyes.

'I think it's genius' Eugène mewed timidly.

'Maybe it's a satire' Tfeodor expressed his point of view.

'Well done, Tfeodor' the chubby grey Chartreux congratulated him. 'Perhaps it is a satire'

'Of whom?' Priscila wanted to know. As you can appreciate, more cats are taking part, not only Fritz and Nassor.

'The pretentious and famous. Or the lazy ones who half ass everything' Eugène explained.

'So it's on purpose?'

'Sure. Hopefully'

See? This whole conversation was just about the show's name, and they were so into it they didn't realise the episode had started half a minute ago.

-This is my jam-

'Ergh, this is the worst'

'WAT IS DAT' was the first reaction of pretty much all the adult (well, teenager) cats. Littley and the twins were amused by the pictures in their 60x60 cm screen.

'It's a bluejay' Littley squeaked.

'I don't know, I kinda like it up here' a brown raccoon with a hose told the...bluejay. 'The world looks different at this height. Makes me feel like a giant! WRAAAAAAAAGGGH'

Most of the felines chuckled.

'Young the Giant, probably' mewed Eugène.

The bird stated that they weren't standing on the roof to enjoy the view, but to clean the gutters, and told his partner to help him.

'I'm helping!' he declared in a whiny voice. 'I'm holding the hose'

It cut to the scene where he holded the flowing hose near his groin goin' 'UUUHHHHHHHHHHH'

Laughter.

'Well, in comedy duos, there's always the frantic, crazy person...' Fritz began, but was interrupted by the bluejay:

'Well, yeah, you don't need gloves to hold the hose'

'...and there's the straight man' Fritz finished, feeling bummed out.

More antics ensued, the fellas found a tape...

'A tape? I thought this was created on 2010?' Fmo couldn't believe it.

The musicians laughed at more of the coon's ocurrences (nottawordinthaenglish# ) and after the jay delievered another one of his lines, Teofräst commented:

'He talks like you, Nassor'

'Fuck do you mean?' Nassor growled.

'Potheads...y-you know how potheads talk in the same tone at all times?' the kitty made himself clear.

Nassor calmed down and said: 'You made me think...'

...

So the plot was that the raccoon listened to a bland, crummy song and realised that it stuck in his head.

'I just noticed that those two call each other 'dude' or 'man'. We haven't heard their names yet' Littley blurted.

'I got the perfect solution' said the bluejay in the screen. 'Brain Explosion'

'WHAT? You can't explode my brain! That's gotta be illegal' the raccoon frowned.

'No, the band Brain Explosion'

'Ah...Never heard of 'em'

'Yeah me neither' most of the cats exchanged looks as they mewed this. They took seriously some of the most superficial and cheap things.

The jay in the TV played a Brain Explosion CD ('...and they keep going' Fmo thought 'Are those fuckers stuck in the last decade? A CD? What's next? Sub4sub?). The «song» was just some buttons being pushed and echoing fuzz in the background. It was supposed to be bad; that was the joke. Apparently, the cats didn't get the joke. (Not taking in account the twins; autistic people and kitties have it hard getting humour. It depends, naturally, but in a more general perspective, that's what happens in la plupart of them).

The bird seemed to be enjoying the sound, and getting pretty turnt.

'That sounds like the poorest poor man's Whitest Boy Alive' Eugène complained.

[Catshavegotsomedelicateears]

'It's like Tame Impala, if the group was bad' Littley wailed. 'It sounds like a rejected draft of an MGMT song, written after we lost them to indietronica and neo-psycodelia'

'That is actually kind of brilliant' Prisicila complimented Littley.

The lemur, I mean the raccoon, was not amused either [ he fell asleep ], which made the musicians sympathise with him.

'LOVIN' IN THE SUMMERTIME! Oh, I think your song just put me to sleep'

'You have no taste in music' the blue bird groaned.

'People who don't respect other people's music taste tend to be pretty dull' Eugène mewed blandly (like, not enphasising any words. Just how he, and most of the ROCats talk!) without analysing the fact that he insulted the fella's music with that statement. Yikes.

The episode continued...Hilarity...Fmo commented 'The facial expressions are just so over the top, you gotta love 'em. Now I know why should we watch Adventure Time too'

'It won a Peabody Award' Fritz meowed.

They got to the part where a Yeti creature tossed the now lovely raccoon against a wall...the latter yelped, which lead Prisicila to murmur:

'His voice...'

Then, they eight of them saw the marsupial sleeping the problem off (as adviced by the Yeti)...

'He sleeps in a trampoline? How cute!' Priscila let out again.

'Could you just shut the fuck up and listen to what's happenning? I mean, pay attention? Dammit' Nassor bitched.

'Vete a la mierda' she replied 'Glykón skatá' she mewed shaking her head.

A little more took place in the episode...Oh yeah, the moment the dancing cassette appeared and started jammin', the room exploded in laughter.

'That doesn't make any sense' one of them said under his/her breath (I'll let you choose)

Then the jay mumbled the line of 'You can't touch music, but music can touch you'.

'What if we touch music with our ears?' Eugène (pronounced Eh-ou-gen; I see you're having a lot of trouble with that one. I am dissapointed. ) asked, like honest to God, with no nitpicking intended.

'That'd make sense. Sound is conformed by waves. Tiny, tiny waves. Vibrations. Maybe we can't feel them. I think we can' Fritz expressed his hypothesis.

'If we ignore it, maybe it'll go away' the bird was refferring to the giant cassette.

It didn't, for comedic effect.

'To ignore it, maybe headphones would be the answer. But those wouldn't scare it away' Fritz theorised.

The Yeti made another appearance, along with a ghost, a green man, a gum machine and a huge lollipop.

'This show is definetly not your average show' Fmo mewed.

Then came the part in which the lead pair write a quick, easy song to fight that nightmare of a tune that was Summertime Lovin'.

'This is a quote by a not very wise man, but it relates to what they're doing: The rangers are having trouble with stopping potheads, so they feel like they can prevent potheads from doing drugs by...smoking pot ' Fritz shared with the crew. 'Whose quote is it?'

'Benthelooney' Fmo helped him out.

'Benthelooney! Thanks'

The episode proceeded...shit got real...and it ended in a general laugh from the audience.


	2. Prelude to The Hooked

"Well, I really really liked it" Fritz was the first to meow once Yolanda, the maid, turned off the television

"It has many interesting ideas" Fmo...synonyms for fuck's sake...

[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP]

...

[TAKE TWO]

"Well, I really, really liked it"

"It has many interesting ideas" Fmo opened up the steam machine.

"And some truly bizarre characters" Littley added. "That or I'm easily impressed"

"You know whose performance I liked the most?" Teofräst asked.

"Whose?" Fmo turned to him.

"The raccoon's" the ginger kitty revealed.

"Yeah, me too" his twin brother agreed.

"He was the funny one" Fritz declared.

"I know, right?" Eugène was also on their side. Nassor nodded at the Chartreux, which meant he also thought so.

"I want to watch more episodes just because of him" Priscila said as she jumped off the sofa.

"Really?" Fmo mewed snarkily "I didn't find the appeal in his character"

"Perhaps you didn't pay enough attention" Fritz sounded like he was scolding her.

Fmo felt offended.

"Well, that's it for today, team. I'm going to sleep" Fritz announced his departure.

He was immediately followed by almost all his bandmates. Except for one. Her name starts with an F.

...

 **I finally scraped the Mordecai and Rigby bit off the chapter, to make things less confusing. Yeah, I'm not doing what I said I would. I'll do something else. I decided so after I watched more RS episodes. I hope all that time I spent on those episodes pay off, because there went two weeks of my spare time.**

 **If I must ask anything of you, please don't harass anyone on Fanfiction. That is wrong. You get what I mean? Here, I'm waving the anti-bullying flag, wearing nothing. Get it now? Good.**

 **And if you feel like you need orientation about the R.O.C. storyline, you can read the first chapter of The End Is Far, a story of mine. A brief summary of each R.O.C. can be found there.**


	3. The Hooked (Fmo feels bad)

Yo, yo, fuck fanfics like 'You know what Grinds my Gears' and 'Aw what', that capitalise on cheap, quick and not even decently written corporate BS, to whore for views and reviews, since they're destined to gain lots of attention with bollocks that can go on forever. Stories can't. Fuck Phineas and Ferb for killing the fourth wall and fuck anybody that uses any sort of strategy to make their stories relevant while on hiatus or shit like that. It's Fanfiction, it's not gonna make you famous or anything. Hopefully. Now back to the chapter.

Yours truly, Nassor C. Cypriako

...

"What are you all watching?" Fmo meowed in disgust, as she joined her bandmates in the living room. They weren't loafing around like they were supposed to, as the magnificient, yet somewhat primitive cats they were.

For the past two weeks, they had been assembling in the black couch, at the same hour every day, to watch that weird cartoon, Regular Show. Once they had watched the second episode after the one Fmo saw with them, they also started chatting about the program non-stop, mostly about one character she didn't thoroughly enjoy when she saw him on TV...

"Rigby is absolutely the one who makes the show" she heard Fritz saying once.

And all her family members agreed with him.

Not only was she not getting into the show, like the rest of the band's members, but she didn't find Rigby funny. Or amusing. For her, everyone else was making a huge deal about him. She particularly liked Mordecai more, as she could tell from the other two episodes she watched. So yeah, Fritz, Eugène, Nassor, Priscila, Tfeodor, Teofräst and Littley, they were on a craze for a trendy show [they were pretty late to the trend, nevertheless], and she wasn't feeling it.

"What are you all watching?"

"Great news; we bought all the series so far today" Fritz turned to her. "Go thank Mirelle for doing so; be nice to her, let her pet you and hug you, hunt something like a bird or a bug for her. Lay on your back so she can rub your abdomen, I don't know. C'mon. Go do it. She made it possible".

Unbelievable, Fmo thought.

Instead of writing potential material for our label, or practicing for live performances, all we're gunna do now is watch Regular Show. That name tastes a little more bitter everytime I say it.

Why would Mirelle do such thing? Did she know how was the content displayed in the cartoon affecting the felines? Did she know it could be a major distraction for them?

She started to walk away from the room, shaking her head, until she heard the conversation Mordecai and Rigby were having in the episode her family watched:

"Rh rg hgroo nv gszg mzpvh blf hdvzg" Mordecai debated.

"Zn R dsl blf gsrmp zylfg rn yvw" Rigby fired back. "Dsvm gsv ortsgh ziv wrn zmw blfi szmwh ziv hszprmt zh blf'iv horwrmt luu blfi wivhh"

"Gsvm gsrmp lu dszg blf wrw" was the bluejay's attempt at explaining his friend what was happening.

"Zmw sld R slkv gl Tlw sv dzh dligs rg" Rigby reminded him.

"Dsvm gsv ortsgh ziv wrn znw blfi svzig rh izxrmt zh blfi urmtvih glfxs srh hprm" Mordecai insisted. Seriously, he would just not give up. "R'ev tlg nliv drg, z yvggvi prhh, z slggvi glfxs, z yvggvi ufxp"

That made Rigby smile.

"Gszm zmb ylb blf'oo vevi nvvg, hdvvgrv blf szw nv"

"Trio R dzh rg, ollp kzhg gsv hdvzg, z yvggvi olev wvhviermt lu" Mordecai said as he smiled too. "Vcxszmtrmt ylwb svzg, rm gsv kzhhvmtvi hvzg"

"Ml, ml, ml, blf pmld rg zpdzbh qfhg yv ov" the raccoon laughed. That prompted Mordecai to do the same, and they realised how stupid they looked fighting over nonsense.

...

Sooner than she had calculated, Fmo came near the rest of the Rossum Ouniversal Cats, and on behalf of curiosity asked, indirectly:

"Why are they talking like that?"

"We're now watching it in taglog" Eugène said, unvoluntarily activating Fmo's 'Explosive' mode on, as she felt deeply offended.

"How COULD you? That's not tagalog" Fmo clarified, raging. "Trust me: I'm Filipino. I would know! Ikaw ay isang Nakaiinis anak sa labas, that's some tagalog for YOU!" she bellowed.

She was scaring Tfeodor and Teofräst.

"And for your information, it's TAG-A-LOG, not 'taglog'. You Dutch piece of...UUURGH!"

To prevent herself from attacking Eugène instinctively, she ran up the stairs, to the third floor. None of the fellow ROC could tell what happened to her after that for that night.

"Shame on you, Eugène" Fritz stood up and moved away from the Chartreux, to share some space in the couch with Nassor and Priscila.

"Woah, Fritz. I got scared. I'm still in shock" Eugène mewed. That did not justify nor did it explain anything, so he continued: " I honestly didn't know; I just answered her question randomly"

"You know she gets really sentimental when someone reminds her of her homeland" Fritz lectured him. "Specially if someone disses it" he accentuated the D word on that sentence, something he didn't do often when talking.

"Well, I didn't mean to" Eugène protested.

"But if you know that, you should be prudent. That's the least you can do" Priscila advised him, as the R.O.C. who knew Fmo more than anyone.

"Still, I wished she didn't go away everytime we watch Regular Show. She's missing out on tons of fun" Eugène meowed.

"On that, I agree" Fritz looked at the youngest cats, Littley and the twins, and noticed they had fallen asleep.

"Well, the tiny ones are sleeping. We should do so, too. See you tomorrow" Fritz jumped off the most soft, black-coloured piece of furniture they owned and went to the kitchen.

"Bye, Fritz! We're following!" Priscila and Eugène told him. Eugène turned to Nassor, who had moven't from his spot on the couch in a long while:

"Aren't you coming, Nassor?"

"My claws are stuck in this shit again"

...

 **I have conflicts with this chapter. I fear I won't balance the amounts Rossum Ouniversal Cats and Regular Show bits correctly and it will ultimately happen what happened to Goblins. I didn't intend this to be part of the story originally. And some parts I felt like I wasn't descriptive enough, and in some other parts I was redundant or repetitive.**

 **I am still thinking about that Regular Show non-official subplot. The next chapter will be more about the ROC's new obsession for Rigby, why do people fall in the same situation, etcetera. It'll be a dialogue oriented chapter.**

 **And, today it's my birthday! Holy shit, I'm 25!**


	4. Maybe I'm not getting my sugar

Fmo did not see her family in all day. She didn't even talk to Priscila, and they do everything together. She couldn't explain to herself why did she decide not to show up to her, and she couldn't come up with an excuse to avoid the rest of the ROC for a day, so she stayed isolated on a room from the mansion's third floor. For a while. During meal time, she went down to the kitchen to eat with the others, but she didn't say a word to any of them. Afterwards, she went out, to explore the garden. When she felt like she had grown bored of everything the 'outside' had to offer, she went back to her fancy home. She then prepared to go to sleep at evening [the ROC sleep wherever they want, and none of them have beds, except for Littley, who likes to doze on a cardboard box], and as she padded to where she would rest that night, she peeked at the living room, where she found her bandmates, all of them asleep, except for one: Fritz. He was watching TV, on the black sofa, with the light offs, and was halfway through the Regular Show episode 'Don'.

"Eighties foot bandana...what?" he mewed, chuckling.

The climax of the episode came.

...

"I still need some sugar, bro" Don opened up his arms for Rigby.

Rigby jumped from where he stood to reach his brother, doing exaggerated faces to the rhythm of the uneccessarily dramatic synthpop music in the background.

...

Fmo then heard the ROC frontman say something she didn't know how to feel about:

"What has become of my life that I'm staying up late watching bullcrap like this?"

He couldn't mouth the sentence cleanly: he kept laughing.

That got Fmo thinking.

What did he mean? Did he like the series or not? Or was it that he liked it and acknowledged was it actually was in its core? Was he feeling okay? His voice sounded faint. Was that an indicator of anything?

...

"Sugar..." Fritz heard the bluejay tease his best friend on the TV screen.

"Sugar!" the cat repeated, before letting lose his energy [at a very inappropriate time] in song form:

" _No, I'm not there all the time, you know; some people, some people, some people call it INSANE! Yeah, they call it INSANE! I pla-_ Oh, thanks Mirelle, for turning the TV off...- _I play Russian Roulette, that's a man's sport, with a bullet called life, yeah mama called life..._ "

 **Unless I mark my submissions as 'Complete', they'll suffer several changes. This is a transitional chapter. It will be turnt into a longer chapter, or I'll mix it with a previous chapter to make one. I don't like explaining what is going on, on my stories, so this bit with Fmo and Fritz, it'll build up to the part where everyone talks about the situation. Also, until I don't have any ideas for the separate Regular Show plot, I'll move this entry to 'Misc.' I might be waiting for a visit from Santa Claus before I pass this to a different category.**

 **Also, you might be expecting me to talk about the incident. I recieved two private responses, besides the public ones, about that issue. Look, the authors of the mentioned stories haven't spoken about it, and until they say something, I'll change the 'disclaimer'. It's just part of the story, okay? And the 'shot' wasn't aimed at them in particular: they're not the only ones who have done it, but two examples were more than enough to showcase the point.**


End file.
